i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
