He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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