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All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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