Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
