Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
