Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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