I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize