What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize