I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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