So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
