Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
