my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
