I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
