Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
