He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
