oh god the rape fog is back!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
