I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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