8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize