Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
