Apparently you make a good broom.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You made out with two different species that night
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
