Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
