she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
