I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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