Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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