my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize