Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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