I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
