Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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