I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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