We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
