Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
