I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
