So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
