i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My vagina is officially offended.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
