If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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