Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
