Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she peed on how many people?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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