Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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