he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
