i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize