I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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