Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
