My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
