Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
