it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Randomize
