Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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