dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
