Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
