Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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