but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
