guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
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