Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
