Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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