WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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