what day is it and did you see me today?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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