I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
