but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The feeling are messing with the penis
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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