i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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