Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
