ugly people sure do ruin things
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
