I didn't shave. On purpose
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
