i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
