I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
