I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
