Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
