Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
