I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
